So, let’s get something abundantly clear. With the exception of Chuck Taylor’s and Adidas Superstars, there is no sneaker more classic than Nike Air Force Ones (heretofore known as ‘Uptowns’). In what some (white) people would term “urban” areas, they are the gold standard. Sure, it’s never bad to have a pair of Jordans, but they’re a mere suggestion. White on white Uptowns (and their black on black doppelgangers) are a requirement. There’s no getting around this.
Block etiquette mandates that you re-up(town) one or more times yearly. Other colorways are acceptable as well, but they’re merely tangential ripples to the white on white tidal wave that has been crashing in urbs and burbs for 20 straight seasons.

Alas, the mighty Uptown still has some fatal flaws. First of all, there is a certain degree of Uptown fascism that’s depressing. The white on white and the black on black are more than ubiquitous; they are a requirement. Other colorways are certainly appreciated, but they are only acceptable in the context of already owning at least one of the two staples. Having other colorways but not the classics is basically not allowed. Dunks are altogether more egalitarian. There’s no pair of Dunks you’re supposed to have per se. Clearly, their colorways range from the simple (think the blue on white Villanovas–to the artistically frenetic–think the Unkles), but each on the spectrum has a fair chance to stunt.

Anyone with a shoe size above 11 is particularly aware of this. It’s at the eleventh hour that Uptowns start to lose fashion stability. Rather than look fly, your feet look like they’re preparing for a moon landing. Thick soles and a fairly large forefoot area… unless you’re a young gun or small-footed, Uptowns are just not real good business. Not to mention it’s not a shoe that ages well. That’s not terribly problematic, but if you don’t have the coin to just go replacing your steps like that, it can be an issue. And please spare me the “man, you just gotta get the toothbrush out” rationale because, while true, it is a methodology that quickly loses its effectiveness.

Personally, me and my clodhoppers prefer the Uptowns’s brash young nephew, the Dunk. Though it can never hope to approach Uptown-status (and it probably shouldn’t on principle), it’s a sneaker that gets the job done. Outside of the fact that the designs and colorways seem to have been inspired by a productive Purp session (a lot of the special edition Dunks are designed by visual artists), it’s a streamline sneaker that doesn’t add another yard to the bottom of your ankle. Also, it’s a shoe that ages very well, so while you don’t wanna see them hurt up, the first signs of maturity won’t make you wanna re-enact Buggin’ Out’s diatribe (number 2 of 3) in ‘Do The Right Thing.’

Now, there is no doubt that the Uptown compliments an outfit well. Throw on a nice shirt and a quality pair of jeans and you’re good. They’re never gonna detract from whatever you have on (unless, of course, you’re wearing one of those variant Uptowns that started coming out in about ‘97, which is just shameful. And yes, I did have a pair).

However, this is a sneaker that can compliment a little too well. When one considers their aforementioned visual hugeness, complimenting quickly gives way to upstaging. The eye is just drawn to them, which is particularly tragic if the observed is wearing not-quite-baggy-enough jeans or shorts (if you just said to yourself, “My jeans aren’t that baggy and I wear Uptowns,” you look stupid. Sorry). Rather than saying, “That’s a good look right there,” a spectator is more likely to say, “Damn, that mufucka got some big ole feet.” And let’s not forget that, after a few wears, they get that permanent brow-like wrinkle in the forefoot as if the shoe perpetually smells shit, which is special.

You don’t have that problem with Dunks. Your jeans can range from skinny emo angsty to Weezy F. Baby and the dunks look right. Whether your ankles can breath or not, a fresh pair of Dunks peeks out from under the cuff anyone with functional retina can appreciate. And as far as complimenting an entire outfit, I’d say they hit the spot perfectly. They’re a little more grown, a little more hip; throw a nice shirt and jacket on with a clean pair you just made your situation a lot more interesting than that pair of Diesels. Plus, unlike the Uptown, Dunks don’t make you look like you’re ruining nice dress casual attire with a pair of Nike’s highest-selling basketball that allows wearers to take missions to the moon in style.

Don’t get me wrong. I still truly believe Uptowns are legendary. I’m personally ashamed that I don’t have a pair of blanco blancos (word to my Latin duns) or black on blacks that stare back at me when I’m preparing to be fly for the day. But Uptowns are not infallible. I’m a Dunk guy. Their colorways are better and they don’t make my feet look gigantic. This preference of mine shouldn’t be a secret at this point. If it is, go back, read again and I promise it won’t be a secret anymore. Better yet, skip the reading part (reading is for losers anyway), and hit up a few websites to get yourself a proper education.

Peace to
Crazy Nick.

BY JON PITTS-WILEY

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