[EXPLOSION NOISE], [SOUND OF GUN COCKING FOLLOWED BY GUNFIRE], [OTHER CLICHÉ NOISE TO START OFF MIXTAPE]. Welcome back, ladies and gentlemen, to the show with the pro you know, the pick and choose it music maestro, yours truly, PF for the familiar, Pretty Flaco people who enjoy full names. I’ve been digging in the internet crates all week to put together a little something to get you through the week. First, though, a digression.

Now, PF tries not to be a hypocrite when it comes to ignorance in music. Truth be told, some of the music I like the most has been some of the dumbest material in the history of sound. I loved Juvenile’s “HA”, the titular saying of which was the only easily understandable phrase said in the entire song (PF was also a big fan of the music video, which started the trend of “angry music set to images of people being unhappy in their places of residence and work in the inner city” videos…ahhh, the halcyon days of southern rap…). PF was an embarrassingly big proponent of Lil’ Mama’s “Lip Gloss,” for which I still catch heat from several Sphere staffers (and rightfully so). The point is, I understand the appeal of sonic idiocy; it makes for a great vacation from the boredom and depression of intelligent reality. This week, however, PF discovered a new low…

What. The. F**K??? This is worse than just music with no value; this is actively making the viewer dumber. By the middle of the video, PF was giggling like a five year old at the little claymation puppet. Why is Dog the Bounty Hunter in the video? Who the hell wears shades that actively block large portions of your line of sight (if I were an EMT, and I arrived at a car crash where the driver had been wearing shades like that, I’d be well within my right to chuckle, right?)?? What the hell is he even saying in the chorus, which sounds like it was written by Timmy from South Park??? Oh, and then to cap it off, the video transitions to a great song about Souljaboytellem’s report card, where he’s certain to have millions of high schoolers hoping to “Throw Some D’s” on that report card. That’s right, he’s encouraging kids to aim for a grade that indicates “Below Average but Passing.” PF is pretty sure he read something about this in the book of Revelation.

The point is this: PF has found his arch nemesis. I’d say it was like Holmes and Moriarty, but both of those guys were smart. This is more like Holmes and that guy who finished last in Holmes’s class and thinks he’s an uppity prick because he uses words with more than two syllables. Be on notice: If so much as ONE teenage punk tells PF “YAHHH,” or so much as THINKS the phrase “doo doo head dummy” at him, I’m punching a high schooler in the face. Bet.

And now, the mixtape (which can be downloaded HERE). Click the tracks to enjoy, read the info to educate, because seriously, posers aren’t even cool anymore.

Monday: Clipse f/ Re-Up Gang – “20K Money Making Brothers On the Corner”
Because everyone should be a little bitter on Monday.

Excuse me while PF goes schoolgirl on you: AHHHHHH!!! IT’S COMING!!! AAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!! Seriously, ever since I saw these dudes in concert at Toad’s (yes, something goes on there besides sweaty people leaving bodily fluids on the dance floor), my idea of what’s wrong with rap has changed. It isn’t that the music is bad; it’s that the industry has no idea how to craft artists’ images anymore. Instead, they focus on artists who make the most radio friendly sounds, even if those personalities are bland as stale vanilla. Meanwhile, Pusha T, Malice, and the Re-Up Gang, who are like a group of really vicious Looney Tunes that can rap on stage, go unnoticed for not compromising their sound. This track, off of their upcoming mixtape, The Spirit of Competition, is another example of a song that rewards listeners willing to access the sound even though it does nothing to cater to the lazy. It’s desperate, it’s bitterly angry, and it’s everything that rap needs. Save the Clipse, save the music, people.

Tuesday: Flo-Rida f/ Timbaland – “Elevator”
Because Tuesdays are where the week is really determined.

If “Low” left PF on the fence with regard to how to view Flo-Rida, and artist whose vocal style sat somewhere between catchy and irritating, “Elevator” leaves no questions: Flo-Rida has an ear for what works. A sexy blend of synths, piano, and electronic percussion, all of which blends perfectly with Tim and Flo-Rida’s melodic style of rap, the song is genuinely beautiful at points. The perfect second single in an era where that concept is unheard of. The first single had me in the club, and on the wall; consider this the track that coaxes me to the floor.

Wednesday Jay Sean – “Stay”
Because hump days are for lovers.

Sad R&B is where the real beautiful music is, dopey lovebirds who are missing out on some of the best songs in the genre. Besides, who sympathizes with the happy songs, anyway, really? (cough…personal bitterness problems…couch). Anyway, Jay Sean, a UK based singer (don’t ask me how, but PF could tell as soon as he heard the song that this was from across the pond), highlights his stellar vocals, blending them with a somber set of strings set to a thumping drum rhythm that never lets the listener settle into the sadness. A good, sad love song is a tough thing to come by; a CATCHY, good, sad love song is something worth throwing on the Week-ness.

Thursdays: Frightened Rabbit – “Modern Leper”
Because Thursdays are the strangeness in between.

PF is a sucker for acoustic guitar. Seriously, Jose Gonzalez (HINTHINTHINTHINT) could cover Soulja Boy’s “YAHHH” and I’d still listen. Hell, it’d probably make the mixtape. So Frightened Rabbit started with a leg up from the get go on this track. Still, there’s something more going on here. The Glasgow based band starts with a pacey, easygoing set of chords, only to let them devolve into madness amidst keyboards and electric guitars. The craziness of the blend is only heightened by the absence of a real bass line, letting the blend of treble heavy sounds fly off wherever they please. Add to that the fact that lead singer Scott (who clearly hasn’t mastered the execution of the “one name” thing) throws an equally powerful set of vocals into the mix, and you wind up with a song that carries the listener along for a dizzying ride, but one worth taking.

Friday: Murphy Lee – “Murph Derrty”
Because if you don’t crank it up now, you never will.

Remember that thing I said about loving me some DUMB music? PF was a BIG Nelly fan back in the day. Here, Nelly’s right hand man, Murphy Lee, makes his…um…SOMETHING awaited return over a Jay-E produced banger that take Murph’s otherwise inoffensive sound and give it a bite and braggadocio that is always fun in the right dosage. Trust me, I was iffy on this at first too. Listen once, then see how long you can keep from giving it another go around. Just call PF the dealer, folks…

Saturday: Dels – “Lazy”
Because this is your day to be just what the title says.

Coming from the UK, Dels raps over a jittery track from UK based indie electronic producers Hot Chip, who sound like they cut the Neptunes up with a credit card and snorted them. Combined with Dels’s lyrics, detailing his desire to break out of the apathy he feels and become somebody, the resulting effort is a trippy clash of genres and messages, one that you just manage to figure out when the music cuts out. The best stuff is the stuff you want to come back to anyway.

Sunday: The Ruby Suns – “Tane Mahuta”
Because Sundays need a little something to re-energize.

Sounding like a Polynesian rave, this blend of island sounds and electronic instrumentation evokes images of DJs playing to crowds dancing above a volcano. The amalgamation (obnoxious word alert) of sounds here turn what would otherwise be a simple beach track into a complex song that is worth a listen.

BONUS:
Maino f/ Uncle Murder – “Gun With a Body pt. 2”

Note to rappers: Stupid names keep you off the Week-ness every time, even when you have a murky track that sounds like something BIG would have done (easy…it sounds LIKE something he would have done…don’t burn PF in effigy till you try it.)

K Young – “Please Me”

Note to R&B singers: Sub-par rap appearances keep you off the Week-ness every time, even when you have the catchiest song of the week.

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This entry was posted on Friday, January 25th, 2008 at 2:47 pm and is filed under Entertainment. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.